bratsub asked: I think of myself as kink critical. Because nothing exists in a vacuum. So even the most “open” minded of kinky people still have unchecked -isms. Just like most of Western society values eurocentric beauty standards that affects BDSM as well. How many pictures of thin or toned white cis bodies do you see reblogged on BDSM tumblrs? I’m still trying to come figure out how to navigate kink scene as a queer fat Black woman. Men are sexism. White people can be racist. Being kinky doesn’t erase that
Everything and anything can be sex positive. Sex positivity is about a state of mind, not what you do in bed—a fundamental acceptance of what other people do, even if it isn’t for you, without an extra scoop of judgment on top. - Sinclair Sexsmith
Sex is beautiful. I mean sex where all partners are consenting, safer sex, honest sex, heterosexual, homosexual, whateversexual. The human body is beautiful in all of its forms and states, and touching is another appreciation of such things.
This blog contains often "NSFW" pictures of beautiful humans of every gender. Sometimes they will be explicit but sometimes a little left to the imagination can be just as hot. I find bare skin both beautiful and sensual, though not always both at the same time. Whatever floats your boat is fine by me, though this blog contains a lot of what floats MY boat. I will also inevitably include some of my opinions on feminism, race, gender, and sex related to society today.
Come for the tits, stay for the mind.
• About Me!
• Before You Ask
• Answers
• Body Positive Feminist Network
It's My Pleasure...
Sex is beautiful. I mean sex where all partners are consenting, safer sex, honest sex, heterosexual, homosexual, whateversexual. The human body is beautiful in all of its forms and states, and touching is another appreciation of such things.
This blog contains often "NSFW" pictures of beautiful humans of every gender. Sometimes they will be explicit but sometimes a little left to the imagination can be just as hot. I find bare skin both beautiful and sensual, though not always both at the same time. Whatever floats your boat is fine by me, though this blog contains a lot of what floats MY boat. I will also inevitably include some of my opinions on feminism, race, gender, and sex related to society today.
Come for the tits, stay for the mind.
• About Me!
• Before You Ask
• Answers
• Body Positive Feminist Network
It's My Pleasure...
rebloggable by request.
Rebloggable by Request (TW: Discussion of Sexual Assault)
Q: How would you recommend telling a partner you’ve been sexually assaulted in the past? I’ve been with my boyfriend for 8 months and it’s starting to feel like I’m hiding it from him, but I really don’t want to bring it up because I’ve recovered and moved on from it and don’t want to have a sad heavy conversation about something that doesn’t feel like a sad heavy burden anymore.
First of all hugs and warm tea to you, because it’s horrible that you had to go through that. Sending love your way babe.
Okay so here’s the thing. You, yes you, are a survivor. You ,and only you, get to decide how to move forward and how to continuously cope with what happened to you. You are a person, not a past. So it’s totally 10000% up to you if you want to tell your boyfriend what happened. I just want you to know that it’s your story and you own it and you decide. I promise whatever you decide, whether it’s to produce a movie about it or to journal about it or to tell one person or 20 people, it’s all right.
So you are not “hiding” it from him by not telling him. Every single person on this planet has some sort of history. Some pasts are more rough that others, but it doesn’t change that we’re beautiful humans fucking surviving on this floating blue orb. And we can choose what is relevant from our past to reveal. So if you want to tell him, here’s what I would do (and sort of what I did when I told my partner about my past abuse):
- This one might seem obvious but do it in a private place that you feel very safe and comfortable in.
- Have tissues cuz’ you’ll probably cry and that’s ok!
- Tell him first that you’re sharing this with him because it’s something that really impacted you, and because you care about him you want him to know. That’s the only intro you need, promise.
- He might get angry at the person who abused you. In my opinion that’s normal so long as he works through that anger instead of acting on it violently.
- Since you are in control of this story, you end it whenever you need to. If he wants to know more than you’re comfortable telling him, then firmly tell him that you’re not ready to talk about x detail or y detail.
- This can be a really cathartic and exhausting release so give yourself and your boyfriend time to process it afterwards. There may not be any in-depth conversation about it now or ever, and there may be a long talk. Just feel it out, k?
sweetadelineeee asked: My partner and I just had sex for the first time (I've had sex before and he hasn't). He could not finish, and I'm left wondering if there was something I could do...
It was probably just the pressure of like “zomg first time touching this awesome person I hope they enjoy themselves cuz they’re really cool” combined with the intensity/excitement/nervousness of his first time. I think if you keep the pressure off of the ~big finish~ and ask him what really turns him on, as well as encourage him to ask for what he wants, you should be golden, or at least have a sweeeet time!
It’s totally okay if one or both (or more) partners don’t orgasm during sex. It can be frustrating to not cum if you make it the ultimate goal, but as Miley Cyrus puts it
“Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side. It’s the climb”.
posting this fanmail i got, i hope you don’t mind me using your username though it’s not a submission?
I noticed that Michael Helms picture up on my feed. Does anyone know where his current art is? He took it down a long time ago. Several people were harassing him, and he just had enough one day. But I love his art, dearly! He’s also a REALLY nice guy. I really wish I could find his gallery anywhere these days.
Michael Helms, anyone know?
Anonymous asked: I feel stupid for having to ask, but is soap okay on the labia? and what *is* best for cleaning the vagina? just water? file this under shit I should already know.
It’s okay, I used to have no idea about this stuff either! There’s nothing wrong with a lack of knowledge, especially if you want to learn!
I’m not an expert or a doctor, but from what I’ve read you really don’t want soap anywhere on/in your vulva or vagina. I suppose your outer lips are fine but try to be careful not to get it on your labia minora and definitely not the entrance of your vagina. A little water is no problem, and is really all you need.
I can speak from personal experience that once I learned that vaginas are generally pretty awesome and self-regulating and stopped using soap down there, that I am far less prone to yeast infections and itching. It has to do with pH balance, and unless you have a health issue your vagina will generally regulate itself and keep itself at the right balance and with the right amount/kind of bacteria.
Here’s an article that pretty well explains the whole bacteria/pH balance stuff, but fair warning it does make the (incorrect) assumption that vagina=woman. If you can ignore that I think the information is pretty good.
Anonymous asked: Hey can you give me recommendations? I'm a cis straight woman who is honestly a little scared of porn. I've only ever seen awful things go down, but I'd like to try it sometime. I'm pretty much "vanilla," but I really don't like that word because it seems so condescending.
I’m sorry, I am hardly an expert on porn, my tastes in smut change almost daily depending on my mood. I don’t really know for sure what fits into the category of “vanilla” porn since it’s kind of a subjective term to begin with (though I don’t really think of it as a condescending term, it’s basically just a label to indicate a lack of kink than anything else as far as I’m concerned. Nothing wrong with that).
My only advice would be to look for the “romantic” or “for women” porn categories? There are some porn companies that specifically cater to more romantic and/or vanilla sex where it’s a lot of kissing and slower more sensual interactions. I know nothing of their ethics but companies like Dane Jones and X-Art make more tame kinds of porn.
And if you’re scared of porn you don’t have to watch it. Anytime we try something new it can be a little scary. And you’re doing this for you and only you, so no need to rush or force yourself! Just watch what you enjoy if you find something, and if you still don’t find anything then erotic literature or just some imagination might do the trick.
Anonymous asked: TW: Abuse - Hey, I got out of an abusive relationship in December and have been speaking with a therapist since the beginning of March about it... I feel mostly recovered but very cynical about cis men. I signed up for a dating website, feeling cynical about this as well, and ended up meeting a really great sounding person. I'm wondering if it's okay for me to say I'm not ready to jump in with both feet yet and if I'm really just focused on friendship right now? I don't know why I'm afraid (1/2)
(2/2) of him looking down on me, or seeing me with less respect. I was just going to be honest and say I’m still dealing with the last bits of baggage from an abusive relationship and I’m not willing to dive right in but would love to keep talking and be friends for now. Is that okay?! Ugh I know the answer should be yes but I feel anxious and unsure for some reason.
Okay so first of all anon I want you to know I am proud of you. You got out of an abusive relationship and you survived and you are alive and that alone is an accomplishment worth a million hugs. So here have my hug (if you want hugs, or a high five or a cupcake or whatever because you fuckin’ deserve it!). You have every right to be cynical or suspicious of cis-men. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise because you and only you know what you went through and what you need to cope.
As for the dating site guy, your intuition is absolutely right. You can let him know whatever boundaries you need, even if that means you’d like to be friends for now. If he cannot respect that, then he isn’t worth your time and he isn’t someone worth dating anyhow. You also don’t need to tell him anything about your past relationship, he doesn’t need to know anything you aren’t comfortable telling him. You can divulge whatever you feel is necessary. But in the end if he is worthy of your friendship or possible courtship he will respect your boundaries regardless of how much/how little you tell him. If you do tell him and he somehow looks down upon you or thinks less of you, then he isn’t worth the bat of an eye, in fact he isn’t even worth the spit he deserves in his face. You keep that spit, and you save it for something better. er.. you know. Pretend I said something more inspirational.
Point is, you are no less deserving of love and respect than any other human, whether or not they’ve been abused. Don’t fuck with people who disagree.
P.S. It’s okay to be anxious. Who wouldn’t be? Navigating dating is tough!
Anonymous asked: It's freakin' awesome to call out Gaga on her shit and how she shouldn't be an icon or spokesperson when she's so problematic. But you should also amend your post to point out that she is not straight, and that it's not her sexual orientation that ought disqualify her as a representative, but her cissexism, racism, etc.. Please don't contribute to/perpetuate biphobia and bi erasure by letting that guy's comments go by without correcting them!
Ok.
ileolai asked: the link to the trans* thing doesnt work for me. does it work for other people?
Shoot yea it’s not working for me either. Anyone know how to get it to work/ what the correct link is?
punchedinthefeelings asked: If it wasn't a chain all someone would have to do is google it and bam, found your friend. That's all.
What do you mean? You don’t even know their name or their gender. Idgi?
Anonymous asked: Advice for the anon insecure about porn and her boyfriend: I feel that way sometimes too, but I have to remind myself that when I enjoy porn I don't compare male porn stars to my bf. It's kind of a separate thing, because my bf is actually with me physically, I have a relationship with him, etc etc. I believe it is the same for him as well. Watching porn is not necessarily a reflection on your relationship or sex life. It doesn't mean he wants you to be somebody else.
For real though like what if every time I watched Parks and Recreation and secretly wished that Andy Dwyer was my boyfriend ,my partner got all jealous and insecure. Porn (and parks and rec, unfortunately) is fantasy. It doesn’t mean we don’t desire the people in real life that are our lovers/partners.
Anonymous asked: RE: Anon hating her boyfriend watching porn but liking it herself and wanting to change: I actually think a lot of women feel this way, because we're taught by society that we're never good enough (thin enough, sexual enough etc) so that breeds jealousy, and yet it's natural for us to have a sex drive and natural for some to enjoy porn. Being aware of the roots of the insecurity will maybe make you relax a bit and be able to let go of the insecurities enough to enjoy porn watching together :)
